i’m really bad at blogging, clearly. i feel like tumblr is beginning to become a xanga; with all the pictures and quotes. errrrgh i just want to be nosy and read about other people’s lives.
do you ever sit there and think about how you are in charge of your body, then remember that everybody else is the same way? like, they think things in their head, and they control everything they do? am i making any sense?
k cough medicine is getting to me so byeeeee
if you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of the world.
i just want to share a few facts with you…
oh, and this is going on in oklahoma
it’s time to bring awareness to this
ask me how you can help
if i sit here and say “i am a christian,” i will be judged. whether someone thinks “she is just another hypocrite,” or “oh cool, we share the same beliefs,” i will be judged in some way. so judge away, because this is me being bold in my relationship with christ.
while i was sitting through church today, i was smacked in the face with one of the greatest messages i have ever heard. our pastor talked about being bold with christ. he told the story of the apostles peter and john. (acts 4) the jist of the story is peter and john were two average men who spoke about jesus one day. jesus worked through the men and helped heal a handicap man who had never walked in his life stand up and take steps. the apostles were thrown in jail for preaching about jesus and his message.
when asked “by what power or what name did you do this?” peter, filled with the holy spirit said, “rulers and elders of the people! if we are being called to account today for an act of kindness shown to a cripple and you are asked how he was healed, then know this, you and all the people of isreal: it is by the name of jesus christ of nazareth, whom you crucified but whom god raised from the dead, that this man stands before you healed.” (acts 4:7-10)
when they realized that paul and john were ordinary men, they were astonished and then believed these men had been with jesus.
god gives ORDINARY people extraordinary boldness
as i listened to this message, i realized i haven’t been as bold as i need to be. i’ve been so worried about being judged for my religion that it has held me back from reaching my full potential in being a follower of christ. let me be the first to admit that being a christian is not easy. you are constantly being called a hypocrite, people judge your every move, every response, and people are always asking you questions attempting to question your faith. i have had numerous people tell me that “science proves christianity wrong.” cool for science. but science hasn’t told me how a blind man can suddenly see again, how an addict is broken from addiction, how a couple on the verge of divorce is healed. coincidences? try miracles. i’ve seen miracles happen right before my eyes. no science book will ever be able to tell me how that happens, but the bible does.
i cannot answer all your questions you will throw at me, like “why does god create war?” or “why does god allow murder to happen?” or even “why do bad things happen to good people? people who believe in god?”
let me tell you this:
my god has never let me down. and i stand firm on his belief.
so be happy when you are insulted for being a christian, for then the glorious spirit of god rests upon you. - 1 peter 4:12
like i said, i cannot answer every question you throw at me, but if you want to know about jesus’ love for you, i’m here to talk :)
thank you
because without your support, i wouldn’t be here
i wouldn’t have stayed when things got hard
i wouldn’t have believed that i could find a life.
thank you for the way you know me,
for being my best friend for what feels like forever,
and for raising the bar so high that i don’t know where to begin.
thank you for knowing to let go before things got ugly.
on some level, you must’ve known that forcing me to fly
would force you to fly too, to do the things you know you need.
and maybe you even share the belief that our paths
will join us together again.
i hate you
for not wanting it badly enough,
for not believing we could do this together,
for not following through.
i hate that you didn’t have the balls to take a chance,
to explore this place that’s filled with your dreams.
i hate that you don’t even seem to be doing
the things that made you stay.
i hate that the way you tell me how you feel almost always hurts,
and most of the time you just don’t tell me at all.
i hate that you make letting go seem so easy,
like it doesn’t hurt at all,
like you don’t ever cry.
i’m sorry
i left the way i did,
because of what it said to you:
that i would always expect you to follow.
i’m sorry i didn’t see it like that.
i thought paving the way would create
an adventure that would change our lives.
i’m sorry i didn’t wait until you were ready,
that i didn’t think i could, so the decision didn’t feel like yours.
i’m sorry that it seemed like your opinion wasn’t important,
when nothing could be further from the truth.
i’m sorry that i doubted our future, and made you doubt it too.
i didn’t know well enough myself to tell you
all the things that needed to change, and why.
we both thought we’d have more time, and then i left.
i’ll always be sorry for that.
i understand that you want to make the people around you happy. but when their happiness interferes with making yourself happy, you’ve got a problem. i’m sorry if you get offended by this, but i’m going to make myself happy before i make you happy.
that’s all.
